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TURNING "NEWT" INTO A VERB
Mr. Crew:
There is tremendous hope that the GOP will follow Newt -- OUT.
The divorce is optional. There has never been a Party since the
Civil War that has had more screw ups than this generation of
GOP Congress!
 Robbie
Yes, Robbie, at times I do wonder why I was appointed to advise
you people. I don't get your question, but as the Greek philosopher
Parmenides said, it matters not where I begin, for I will end
at the same place.
So: Love money, ride out losses, and vote Republican. Let tax
cuts work themselves out.
Yours, Jay
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A NEW DEMOCRATIC EMBLEM?
Mr. Crew:
Democrats announced today that they are changing their emblem
from a donkey to a condom because it more clearly reflects their
party's political stance.
A condom "stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages
cooperation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives one a sense
of security while screwing others."
Darrell
Dear Darrell,
I don't know just how to account for your generosity towards the
Democrats. The only one I've ever seen stand up to inflation is
Alan Greenspan, between stints sitting next to Hillary at State
of the Union addresses.
I believe that condoms are also well known for consolodating investments,
covering indiscretions, and producing a healthy (if not always
welcome) sense of longing in the very midst of riches.
Right-thinking conservatives, too, may fly them with dignity.
Jay Crew
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STOP THE "REDERIC!!!"
Mr. Crew:
( I Think you are a Man? if Not I am sorry , for any more I do
not understand What to put on Correspondance When Gender is Unknown!)
Plus any more you can not tell by a Name!
I Have sent a letter like this to Over 700 People and STILL NO
Factual Answer!
I am not trying to be Sni with these Remarks, so Please do not
take them that way! I'm just so fed up with all these POLITICIANS
, and all the Rederic! Thank You!
U.S.N., E.O.D., Retired
IronCity TN
Dear Tennessee Navy,
No, um, thank you. Everyone at CST begs your pardon for cutting
down the letter. (Readers, please observe that this is but the
first 0.4% of Mr. Navy's note--that's still enough pure vitriol
to get CST pulled over by the highway patrol. The remainder is
concerned largely with Defense Department regulations. For those
who are interested in reading that sort of thing, I do not doubt
that the DOD has a Website.)
Mr. Navy, we do not wish to misrepresent your position. Nor do
we wish to occupy ourselves excessively with it. We enjoy partaking
occasionally of the royal "we," and, above all, we are desperate
for mail. In the hope of serving all ends, here's a summary of
the letter that we've severely cut:
Mr. Navy is angry that, in the impeachment proceedings, Clinton
wasn't held to the standard of any government Joe who needs a
security clearance.
To put the situation simply: You are not alone, Sir, but as Mark
Twain said of masturbation, there's no money in it. Let us know
if that changes.
Jay Crew
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WILL GOD BURN ORLANDO?
Dear Jay,
I noticed a while back that Pat Robertson was saying that Florida
should watch out for God's wrath because Orlando was sponsoring
a gay pride day.
Do you think the fires in Florida are part of God's wrath, and
if so, how come Orlando was one of the few counties to not have
fires in Florida? Does this mean that Orlando County is a home
to the devil and it would be OK for the RIGHT thinking people
to go and burn them out like they did in Salem Massachusetts?
Does it mean that the people in Orlando used Witchcraft to punish
the rest of Florida for being so reverent? I am confused!
Mark
Dear Mark,
For reasons that you point out, these particular fires don't seem
to be the sort that sent Lot a-running and Lot's wife a-peeking
back. I'd say we haven't had that kind of weather in a good spell--way
before the bull market kicked in--and Pat Robertson would be smart
to quit calling for it.
I believe in God, but I also oppose most planks in His platform.
If elected, He'd wreck every building in the country with a money-lender
inside.
For my part, let's just say that a Log Cabin Republican is as
good a Republican as any. He's one more vote for fiscal responsibility.
I don't complain about the Pat Robertson who goes to the polls,
either, but the one who hopes to see an entertainment center and
transportation hub like Orlando hit hard times is not a man for
me. Let's you and me help knock him out of future primaries!
Jay Crew
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