Diversity Chic by NHARS BENDIR Sunday, August 8, 1999 Once again, Corporate America is meddling with primal forces which it does not fully understand. This is, of course, because Corporate America cannot see beyond the nearest dollar. A recent newspaper story described a growing trend in the workplace: erasing regional speech patterns. The objective is to make us all sound like we were born and raised in central Colorado. Not that there's anything wrong with central Colorado, for that is where one can hear what is considered the purest of spoken American English. But can you imagine every one of us speaking the same ... well, vanilla? No Bronx accent? Or Minneapolis? Or Atlanta? Or Tulsa? The newspaper article highlighted the typical case of a North Texas native whose professional advancement hit a wall because her twang was equated with ignorance. Never mind the university diploma hanging in her office.

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Corporate America defends the concept of erasing regionalisms because business is increasingly global. If English is to be the language of international business, then the least we Americans can do is speak with a consistent, pleasant and inoffensive voice. In other words, don't say "thang" when you mean "thing." It sends our Japanese business partners diving for the dictionary instead of the dotted line. It wastes time, and time is money. Corporate America therefore believes it is within its rights to "refine" the voices of its workers. Some employees are told outright to either lose the accent or lose the promotion. Some firms even pay for the speech therapy. Southerners have long been the targets of such discrimination. The stereotypes abound: the slack-jawed hillbilly with a banjo, straw hat and missing teeth; the bow-legged cowboy in his Chevy pick-up; the antebellum young woman of slow speech and dim wit. It's not just southerners, of course. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites are equally encouraged to lose their accents so as not to sound rude, or pushy or whatever. Perhaps it is the export of these stereotypes to overseas business partners that has prompted Corporate America to act. But please note that the companies which now seek to eliminate our personal speech patterns are the same companies that crow about "diversity." Or the companies that poison the earth in Mexico while bragging about their EPA compliance. It may be legal but it sure as hell is not moral. I'll wear a tie. I'll fill out a time sheet. I'll even kiss the appropriate asses. But hey! Y'all keep your g-- d--- hands out of my mouth, eh? 'Cuz I got your "speech pattern" right here, pal.

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