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Olympic Countdown by AARON THOMAS |
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His enthusiasm was matched by officials of the Sydney Organising Committee for the Olympic Games (SOCOG), who chose the occasion to release an upbeat report on progress so far. Attractively presented on the embossed hides of American marching bands, the 78-page report came complete with it's own Olympic Planning & Bureaucracy Merchandise catalogue. SOCOG had been confident that the marching bands fiasco was behind it, but now fresh allegations have surfaced. Doubts have been raised by some of the foreign bands' co-ordinators as to whether Olympic spectators will even be able to hear them from their designated performance spaces in Melbourne and Alice Springs. "SOCOG officials assured us that spectators would have a clear view of our performance and excellent sound quality. But we figure that what with the curvature of the Earth and the sound dispersal over 1,000 kilometers, that might not be the case." Ric Branch, the director of the Opening Ceremony, is planning to meet with the musicians and explain Australia's special topographical phenomena with the aid of small maps, a root vegetable and a very large stick. Plans for the packaging of fresh air and other luxuries for Olympic spectators have been running smoothly, but officials were quick not to let that innovation overshadow their other achievements. "The processing of homeless people into durable flooring for Olympic arenas is a stroke of genius," said John Coates, President of the Australian Olympic Committee. "We are proud to have worked closely with local communities and faceless multinationals to come up with this innovative response to our stadium specifications. Homeless people have given this flooring just the right amount of springy resilience we needed, and the addition of tattooed drug addicts has given it the pock-marked, patterned surface we were after. We think all our visitors will be very pleased with the result." Plans to extend this surface to the entire down-town area have been mooted if enough raw materials can be found. Meanwhile SOCOG officials yesterday announced they expected downtown sidewalks to be pulled up just 37 times more before the Opening Ceremony. A statement which has outraged Kerry Chikarovsky, the Leader of the State Opposition, speaking out at the premiere of a 'Field Pentathlon Interpretive Dance Piece'. "I'm disgusted that because of Sydney Council's incompetency, we are in danger of having the least disturbed subterranean utilites of any Olympics since Munich in '72. I can't believe SOCOG thinks it can get away with anything less than another 100 pavement removals and road closures," she retorted amidst supportive cheers. "Residents expect nothing less." No such worries at the Olympic Athletes Village where a number of former greats gathered to inspect the new facilities. "Possibly the finest trailer park I've ever seen," commented former marathon champion Robert de Castella. "It's great, really great," concurred swimming legend Dawn Fraser. "The stainless steel toilet seats are a nice touch." SOCOG officials played down allegations the accomodation was sub-standard, saying that as well as serving practical needs they had aimed to provide an Australian cultural experience. "I think the Third World visitors especially will feel right at home, and there'll be none of those nasty shoe marks on the porcelain to deal with afterwards," said a spokesman. Down the road, Marrickville Town Council had their hopes shattered today when the proposed route for the Road Cycling event was moved yet again -- the 23rd time this month. Jeff An Lee of the Marrickville Council expressed his dissappointment at losing the race on such an important day. "We had only held the route for about four-and-a-half hours this morning before we were told it had relocated elsewhere. We have held the approved route previously, once in August and twice in July, and it was a little disheartening to lose it so quickly on such a big day. We'll just have to wait and see how this pans out, but I think there's still a chance we might have hold of it again when the music stops." The propsed cycle route was last seen boarding a bus in Sydney's west. SOCOG officials have assured competitors the race will take place "somewhere in Australia; very probably somewhere where there's roads." International Cycling Federation representatives responded philosophically to news that the route was still uncertain, describing SOCOG officials as "a bunch of useless f***ing d***s." But not everyone has been so generous in their praise of the preparations. A minority of Sydney house-holders are reportedly disturbed by the resources being lavished on the Olympics, with extremists even calling it "a monumental waste of time and money." Walter Andriksson, of the Homebush Concerned Resident's Group, is angry that long-term community needs are being sacrificed in the rush for 2 weeks of fickle international attention. "Promises that hospitals and schools will be re-opened almost immediately after the 2000 Games is not good enough. What if some people were to get sick now?" he demanded. Andriksson also claims that skimping on education could have long-term effects. "Is two weeks of selling Olympic stick-pins really going to make up for the 2 years of schooling our kids have missed? I'm not convinced the Government has thought this through." An accusation which was dismissed by the State Premier Bob Carr, as being "whingey, whiney poo-poo pants." "If we didn't think this was going to be bloody well better for the State than a few algebra lessons, we never would have bought the damn Olympics in the first place. Sydney's a dynamic future-oriented regional powerhouse, for chrissakes. Even the trolley boys have mobile phones. Why the hell shouldn't we have a bloody Olympics." Plans for the 350 Days-To-Go Celebration are already well under way. AARON THOMAS IS CURRENTLY BASED IN SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA. |
Send your comments to Coffee Shop Times contributor Aaron Thomas.
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Copyright © 2001 The Coffee Shop Times
